Missed Moments In Time
by geekischic
Summary: Non responsive. She repeated the words absently, as if her own voice would help her understand the meaning behind them. It meant that she would never see her partner again, that work wouldn’t be the same from this day forward. Alternate version of PitH
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Finally

**A/N: Finally! I've written another multi chap fic instead of just a one shot! Granted, it is only five chapters long and each chapter is a little short, but hopefully you will all still like it. I know this first chapter is painfully short, but the second one is too long to combine it with the first. So, hopefully you'll still enjoy it and stick around for the coming chapters (which are already written, as I have the nasty habit of starting stories and then forgetting about them). And now that you've endured my rambling, just go ahead and read the first chapter. As always, reviews are welcomed and appreciated! :)**

-o0o-

Dead (dĕd) _adj._: 1. No longer alive; having lost life

2. Not having the capacity to produce or sustain life

3. Not moving or circulating; stagnant

Dr. Temperance Brennan knew what the term 'dead' meant. After all, as a forensic anthropologist, she dealt with the remains of deceased human beings every day. Death was something she had come to terms with, and it had become a routine part of her everyday life. But today, death was something that had pierced into the calm of her existence. It had shaken her to her core, and had shattered the inner support system she'd so delicately created for herself throughout her fragile life.

"What?" The word was hoarse, barely escaping her lips as she felt her knees weaken beneath her.

The doctor squirmed at the hollow look in her eyes. The spark of hope at his presence that appeared in her eyes when he'd first walked out of the operating room was now extinguished and replaced with a numb look as he gazed into the woman's eyes. "I'm terribly sorry to have to tell you, but I'm afraid that you're partner didn't make it."

She shifted her gaze from his eyes to his side, as if trying to stare down the air that hung between the walls of the hallway. Her face had paled and her eyes had dimmed as she heard the terrifying news he'd had to deliver to her. She crumbled into a nearby chair as her knees completely gave out beneath her and the doctor continued to talk to fill the nervous, uncomfortable space between them. "My team has been trying to revive him for nearly twenty minutes now, but he is still non responsive."

"Non responsive." She repeated the words absently, as if her own voice would help her understand the meaning behind them. It meant that she would never see her partner again, that work wouldn't be the same from this day forward. An empty hole had been ripped into her, a gaping space replacing the warm presence of Seeley Booth that had once occupied it.

She looked up at the doctor, dressed in obnoxiously blue scrubs, now spattered with the red of her partner's blood. She gazed at the red droplets that randomly covered the paper, and they only reminded her that her hands looked exactly the same. Booth's now dried blood still coated her hands, now deeply rooted in the small grooves between the swirls of her finger and palm prints. It only reminded her that she hadn't been strong enough to save him.

She stood from her chair and turned her back on the doctor without a second glance, leaving him shocked and confused as he watched her walk toward the front of the hospital. Emotions escaped her as she unconsciously fled from the room that had housed her partner's death. All she felt was a silent, heavy numbness that eliminated all her thoughts and feelings as she left the hospital. She barely registered the chill of the night's breeze as she walked to the edge of the street, calling out for a cab to drive her home.


	2. Chapter 2

She entered her apartment without even turning on the light

She entered her apartment without even turning on the light. The door slammed behind her and her keys and shoes were thrown to the floor, their proper places forgotten as their owner walked absently to the bathroom. The water splashed into the sink and she scrubbed her hands without thinking, washing away the evidence of the life she'd unsuccessfully attempted to keep in her world. It took fifteen minutes before she realized what she was doing, and only then did she become remotely aware of her surroundings.

She switched the water off and gazed once again at her hands. Her skin was swollen and pink, though she didn't know if it was from the staining of the blood or the constant scrubbing it had taken to wash it off. Her fingertips were shriveled, the skin pruned from the warm water they'd just been run under. But no matter how clean her hands were, all she could see was the red blood oozing through her fingers as she tried to hold it into her wounded partner's body.

Her apartment was still dark as she made her way from the bathroom and into her bedroom, collapsing exhaustedly into her bed as she stared at the ceiling. Only now did her thoughts slowly begin to trickle back into her mind, and within minutes the dam broke and they flooded her consciousness with terrifying speed and force. Only now did she realize all the things she'd missed out on, all the chances she'd given up in the three years she'd known Booth. And the pain only jabbed harder into her heart as she realized that she'd never have the chance to make up for them.

How many times had she imagined his beautiful smile on lonely nights all alone in her bed? How many times had her stomach fluttered and a schoolgirl giggle escape her lips as he looked her way? How many times had she imagined what it would be like to sleep next to him, to listen to his breathing and to feel his cool skin against hers as they slept through the night? And how many times had she prevented herself from thinking about these things and acting upon them simply because of that damn line they'd created? How many chances had she missed by allowing logic to cloud her desires instead of acting upon them like she so desperately wished to?

She remembered when they'd gone undercover in Vegas. She'd enjoyed how close he held her as they'd pretended to be Roxy and Tony. It had felt so good to glimpse what it would be like to truly be the girl on his arm, even if it had all been a hoax they'd had to create for the purpose of their work. She still remembered the look on his face as she'd walked out of the bathroom in the dress he'd picked, and she'd loved the way he made her feel as she saw the poorly veiled desire in his eyes. It had felt good to be wanted by someone, especially by Booth, even if only for a second.

She remembered the kiss they'd shared under the mistletoe in her office, and sadly she realized that it was the one and only kiss they would ever share. She'd loved the way his lips felt against her own as she softly kissed him, exploring something she'd only been able to dream about until that moment. If she'd had her way, she would have held his face in her hands and pulled him closer as she kissed him with the passion she'd always wanted to. She would have pulled their bodies closer so they could each feel the other's thundering, excited heartbeat as they explored this new venue in their relationship for the first time. But, unfortunately, this dream had been made impossible due to the supervision of Caroline Julian, who'd made Brennan kiss her partner in order to give her father the Christmas with his family that he wanted. Brennan made a mental note to one day thank Caroline for forcing her into that deal, for it was the one and only time she'd been able to enjoy the heaven of Seeley Booth's lips on her own.

She remembered how sweetly Booth had always talked to when she'd felt so lost and confused as she'd searched for who her parents were. She'd loved how he would come to console her at any time she began to feel upset, whether it be midnight in her apartment with a box of Chinese food or a quiet couple of minutes in her office at work. He'd always known exactly what to say to her to comfort and soothe her, and she wished that just once she'd allowed herself to fall into his arms so she could cling to the one person who'd made her feel whole.

But now, all those missed moments would remain just that: missed moments in time. Brennan wished with all her might that she could turn back time. She would have done everything her heart had told her to do in every waking minute she shared with Booth. And most importantly, she would have gone back in time to take that bullet instead of Booth, just so he could stay on this earth for one more day. She knew that now whenever she closed her eyes, his face would always be there no matter how hard she tried to block it out. And with a jolt, she realized that her best friend had been right all along: she'd fallen in love with Seeley Booth and never even known it.

With a groan Brennan jumped up from her bed, unable to deal with these excruciating thoughts any more. She ran to the bathroom and found the bottle of sleeping pills behind the mirror and quickly, she gulped down at least three more than necessary before returning to her cold and empty bed. She needed to rest in this drug induced slumber, for she knew that any sleep that came naturally would be haunted by her last moments with the man she'd fallen in love with.

Within minutes, her vision grew fuzzy and her eyes drooped closed. She slept surprisingly peacefully, for the drugs refused to let through any of her thoughts of Booth to escape into her dreams. And this was just what she needed on this first night without him.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week since the awful day that had contained Booth's death

It had been a week since the awful day that had contained Booth's death. In that time, Brennan hadn't left her apartment once. Hell, she could hardly get out of bed, let alone leave the apartment. She'd barely eaten in the past week, but the fact didn't seem to bother her. The empty numbness that had settled into her chest at the hospital had only grown worse with the coming days, for every morning she woke with a start with the realization that she would never be able to meet Booth at the diner for breakfast again.

Her answering machine had gathered a healthy collection of missed calls in that week. Frantic calls from a weeping Angela had begged Brennan to call her best friend and talk to her about what had happened. Concerned calls from Cam had come in to tell Brennan that the lab didn't expect her back any time soon, as they all knew how much Booth had meant to Brennan. Even a call from Sweets had come in, assuring the anthropologist that he would listen to whatever she had to say if she needed someone to talk to.

However, there was one message on the machine that she listened to over and over again every day. It was a message that Booth had left her nearly two weeks ago, asking if she'd wanted to meet him at the diner to discuss the case they'd just closed. She clung onto that message with all the strength she had, for it was the only way she could hear Booth's voice once again, even though it brought her great pain to listen to it.

But Brennan didn't answer a single one of these calls. She hadn't spoken a word since she had frantically spoken to her partner as he lay on the ground, blood seeping out of his gunshot wound. Speaking would feel like a heavy weight being pressed onto her chest, and she simply didn't have the strength for it now. She didn't know how long it would take before she'd ever be able to talk about it.

She'd wandered around her apartment without a purpose for the past few days. Sometimes, when she felt too weak to do anything else, she would lie in her bed for hours and stare at the ceiling as she allowed the flood of painful memories to once again consume her. But not once did she allow herself to cry at the thought of them. Crying would show she was grieving, which would only solidify the fact that Booth was dead. And that was something she wasn't ready to handle yet, though her logical side told her that it was the truth.

She knew it was ridiculous, but a part of her had felt that Booth would always be with her. Part of her believed that Booth couldn't die. After all, hadn't he survived torture? Hadn't he fought in a war? Hadn't he been shot before and survived the wound, as if laughing off the notion that a tiny piece of metal could take away his life?

Just as Brennan was reaching that inevitable point where her thoughts became too painful to think any longer, they were interrupted by yet another phone call. The phone only rang once before the machine had picked up, for Brennan had set it this way so she wouldn't have to listen to the annoying ring of the machine. She heard the beep of the machine that signified the start of the message, and soon the unexpected voice of Director Cullen spoke from it.

"Dr. Brennan? This is Director Cullen. We have urgent news about your partner Special Agent Seeley Booth. It is important for you to come down to the Bureau as quickly as possible to receive this information, so please come as soon as you possibly can. We'll be expecting you."

The machine clicked off with another beep and Brennan huffed at the message, annoyed. What on earth could possibly be so urgent for her to know? Her partner was dead. How could there be anything else that the Bureau needed to tell her? But even still, the tone of Director Cullen's voice had peaked her curiosity. He sounded serious, worried, and distressed, which she knew could mean many things, but it still made her wonder nonetheless. And, it was the first thing in days that had been able to even slightly distract her from the pain of Booth's death.

So, with these thoughts in mind, Brennan slowly sat up from her bed and headed back into her living room. The numb fog that surrounded her mind was still there, which was why she didn't bother to change into nicer clothes or brush her hair, but at least now she felt that she had the tiniest bit of strength to take the next step and leave her apartment. She slowly pulled on her jacket before shutting off the lights in her apartment and leaving it, heading back out into the world that had continued living on as she was lost in her own personal hell.


	4. Chapter 4

A deafening silence consumed the main office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation when Brennan walked into it

A deafening silence consumed the main office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation when Brennan walked into it. She tried to ignore the wide eyed and shocked stares of the various agents as she meandered the hallways of the building. As she approached Director Cullen's office, not so discreet whispers and questions met her ears as the office members took in her distressed image, but she never even noticed them as she kept herself focused on the reason why she was there.

When she finally reached Director Cullen's office, she quietly knocked on the wood door before opening it and letting herself into the room. She found him sitting in his office chair behind his desk, as if he'd been waiting for her all day.

"Dr. Brennan." He gestured to the chairs in front of the desk, inviting her to sit down.

"Director Cullen." Her voice was hoarse, as she hadn't spoken in over a week, and she suddenly felt very tired as the words left her lips. It was as if speaking drained her of the little energy she had managed to maintain. She sat in one of the chairs before tiredly turning her attention to the man behind the desk, wondering what he had to tell her.

"Thank you for coming here today. There is urgent information you need to know about your partner Special Agent Seeley Booth, as I'm sure you ascertained from my message." She nodded distractedly at his words, her focus drifting in and out as her mind continued to wander. Director Cullen shifted in his seat, obviously uncomfortable at how damaged the normally steely Dr. Brennan had become in the course of a week.

"Well, this information is highly classified and cannot be repeated outside of this office once you have knowledge of it. Do you understand?" She nodded once again, wishing that he'd just get on with it so she could return to the safe haven of her apartment. "Agent Seeley Booth is alive."

She made eye contact with the director for the first time since entering the room. An angry but confused look had spread across her face after taking a minute to process what he'd just said. She cleared her throat a few times before speaking, asking the questions that had suddenly flooded her mind. "Why are you doing this? Why would you say that?"

"I'm sorry?" Now the director was the one who was confused as he took in the frantic and distraught aura that had suddenly surrounded the anthropologist.

"Why would you say that? Booth is dead." She paused to fight back the tears that had suddenly filled her eyes at those words, screaming inside her head to not let them spill over. She had to remain strong. "He's dead, and I must deal with that. Why would you say that he's still alive when it's obviously not true? It's rude and crass and I find it highly offensive that you would even think-"

"Wait, wait, Dr. Brennan." Director Cullen interrupted her angry monologue to keep her from screaming at him. "The FBI had to fake Agent Booth's death in order to catch a wanted fugitive. You are one of the people who he wants to make sure knows that he isn't really dead."

Brennan stared blankly at the director, fighting the hope that had blindly risen up in her. She couldn't allow herself to believe this if it was only going to set her up for an even harder fall than when she'd first learned of Booth's death at the hospital. Her voice returned to a raspy whisper as she responded to his revelation. "I… I don't believe you…"

Director Cullen nodded, understanding that she didn't want to believe him if it was only going to end up hurting her again. "Agent Booth thought that you would react this way, which is why he fought us tooth and nail to set up a meeting with you."

"A meeting?"

"He's right down the hall, albeit under high security, if you would like to see him." Brennan looked down at the floor, swallowing a few times to quench her now parched throat. The hope that had filled her chest had risen above the weights she'd placed on it, and soon she found herself jumping up from the chair and demanding to see her partner. Director Cullen nodded understandingly and they both rose from their chairs to enter the hallway.

A flood of emotions ran through Brennan's mind as she followed the director down the hallway. Her stomach was filled with knots, giving her that queasy, anxious feeling, but she also felt confused, hopeful, and guarded all at the same time. It was enough to make any professional psychologist's head spin, let alone the person in the middle of it. She was so worried that it wouldn't be true, or worse, that this was all a dream and it would only crush her into pieces when she woke from it, and this was why she hesitated when she finally reached the doorway to the conference room where, supposedly, Booth was waiting for her.

Director Cullen dismissed the two officers who had been standing guard outside the door and unlocked the door to the room. Brennan turned to him as she approached the door, as if once again asking for permission, and he nodded encouragingly for her to go ahead and open it. She took a deep breath before turning the handle and opening the door, where her stomach flipped in her chest when she saw what was on the other side.


	5. Chapter 5

Booth was there

**A/N: Here it is: the final chapter. I hope you all enjoyed this little story I put together here. And a big big thank you goes out to everyone who has read and reviewed. Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated here. :)**

-o0o-

Booth was there. Living, breathing, definitely alive Booth was sitting at the table, drumming his fingers impatiently on the wooden surface as he waited to see his partner. Brennan froze, her mind blank as she realized that he was really there, waiting to see her.

His attention snapped to the door as it opened, and she heard him gasp as he took in her haggard appearance. It shocked him because he'd always known her to look sophisticated and presentable during any occasion, and this was how he'd known the hell she'd been put through for the past week. "Bones. My God, are you okay?"

"Booth." For the second time that day, her voice came out raspy and hoarse as she spoke through the incredulous emotions that filled her. And only then did she allow her hot tears to escape her. They stung her eyes and burned her cheeks, but they still came as she finally allowed herself to cry. Her knees buckled beneath her and she fell to the floor, unable to control the raging emotions that ran through her at the simple sight of her partner.

Booth dashed to her side as he saw he collapse, shutting the door behind to have some privacy as he consoled his partner. "Bones? Bones? Talk to me please. Are you all right? What can I do for you?"

She smiled at him as she heard his questions. Typical Booth. He gets shot and yet he still asks if _she's_ okay. She placed her hands on his cheeks as she looked him in the eyes, taking in his appearance for what seemed to be the first time, even though she'd seen him every day for the past three years. It was the first time she truly saw the lines of worry etched into his face as he looked out for her. The first time she'd really seen the care and concern for her in his warm brown eyes. And it was the first time she could see that he was worried about her simply because it was her, and not just his partner. "Are you really here Booth?"

He took her wrists in his hands and held her gaze, responding to her question seriously rather than mockingly, as she'd somewhat expected. "I'm right here Bones. Don't you worry, I'm not going anywhere."

One of her hands left his face and gently slid into the collar of his shirt, feeling around his chest until she felt the gauze of the bandage that covered the wound that had caused her pain for the past week. That was how she confirmed that her partner was really there, sitting in front of her. A confused look crossed her face as she questioned him once again. "But, the hospital… they told me you were non responsive…"

Booth shook his head at her confusion. "The doctor had just gotten the order from the FBI. He didn't realize who you were so he couldn't tell you that I was really alive. I'm so sorry I put you through all this-"

She placed a finger to his lips to silence him, not needing the apology. "Booth… just promise you won't leave me."

"I promise Temperance." His promise was quietly whispered to her, as it was something that only they needed to hear and the rest of the world could ignore. "I'll never leave you."

She brushed her thumbs over his lips as the numb fog that had surrounded her mind for the past week slowly began to fade. She could now accept that this was reality, and not a dream that she had created to comfort herself. Booth was really here, right in front of her, and it amazed her how much the thought of his death had affected her. She'd always considered them partners first, close friends second, but this whole event had really thrown her a curve. She now felt a rush of emotions that she'd never felt before, and it both confused and excited her.

And that was why she found herself suddenly leaning closer to him, their lips inching closer and closer together without protest from either of them. Their eyes closed and electricity flooded through them as their lips met for their first true kiss. His arms wrapped around her waist and hugged her closer as her arms slung around his neck. The kiss was soft and tender, yet they could both feel the passion and care for the other in it. And Brennan recognized something else that she hadn't felt for a long time as she kissed Seeley Booth. It was something she had both feared and coveted, and now it was finally hers to grasp.

Love.

And that simple little word made her realize that she was doing the right thing. She loved Booth, and in that one little kiss, she finally learned that he loved her back. She had missed so many moments, so many chances to start something with her partner, but this was one moment in time that she refused to allow to slip through her fingers.

**-End-**


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